Babe is asleep…
Laundry and diapers are done…
Kitchen is clean…
House is in decent shape…
That means I get to update my blog!
Here’s what’s been going on, for better and for worse… a rollercoaster of events and emotions since I last updated you all in what, October?
Lets start in November because I can’t remember that much further back.
- And also forgive me if I lack in detail, you surely understand why.
November started out with my brother’s birthday – The Jech group met up with Morgan his fiancé, her family and my and Morgan’s parents for a classy night at The Tilted Kilt, (Morgan’s pick). We had a wonderful dinner with the family that ended with cake, so what’s not to like? Morgan and Jaime had just announced to us that they decided to up their wedding from May of 2015 to mid-November of 2014, so we were all wedding talk and chatter, exciting stuff! Also just a day or two before that we decided to put our house on the market. So the hubs and I were anxiously plotting our next landing since we just knew for sure it’d sell in a week’s time (it didn’t).
At this point dad was doing pretty well, at least that’s what he’d tell us anyhow. He was walking, slowly but unassisted and in real good spirits. He had decided to not take chemo until after the wedding so he could build up strength and it just so happen that his treatment would line up on the day before their wedding, which would have been zero fun for him.
Fast forward two weeks- to rehearsal dinner; dad had been having quite a bit of trouble with lymphedema and neuropathy in his left leg due to radiation damage, general crappiness that is cancer. He had to use a cane to walk. We all had a decent (hectic albeit) rehearsal then off to the dinner (everyone’s favorite I’m sure). Dad was pretty give out by dinner so after apps came he decided to go to the truck and his friend, Billy went with him so they could visit (which if you ever saw this duo you’d know that was a dangerous thing) they even ate their dinner out in the truck too. #IdowhatIwant
The next day was the wedding day and what a fun day it was for Morgan and Jaime! It was pretty damn cold too. We took outside pics and whined and bitched about how cold it was (heck, the guys had on long sleeves, pants, AND jackets mind you). By the time the wedding rolled around it was dusk and the party had commenced! I’ll post some pics so y’all can see.
(thanking Kari Kidd for letting me share these pics)
Dad was pretty weak by the wedding, he’d had company in and out all day to see him, plus like I said, damn cold. And being damn cold plus sick is just miserable. I watched him come in the chapel and my heart absolutely broke. He was down to being fully assisted or in a wheelchair. I hated that leg bothering him with ever fiber of my body by this point, and I know I wasn’t alone in my loathing. He didn’t stay long, enough for the ceremony and to watch them be introduced. It was clear that he was wiped out and ready to go home, so he did just that. We all stayed and had a grand ol time, danced and partied, Morgan even went a little extra crazy…
The next day we went to moms for Sunday Brunch and dad was still in bed, I went in to see him and he was pretty lethargic and just absolutely exhausted. I was highly concerned and called our family friend who is a doctor and told him what I was seeing, and he suggested we call an ambulance. He was malnourished and spent roughly 24 hours in the hospital getting fluids.
At this point James, Morgan, Jaime and I decided that one family would stay with mom and dad every night incase they needed us. We helped haul in wood, build a fire, keep dad comfortable, attempt to keep the house clean on and on for two weeks. I went with dad twice to his oncology group and got to meet some big-hearted people, who were all crazy about dad. He had all the nurses nicknamed and they all knew him too! Haha, makes my heart happy just thinking about it. His numbers were looking good but he just had zero strength and comfort thanks to the leg.
Thanksgiving came and we had the whole Anderson clan at my parent’s house, we had a fun, low-key thanksgiving where we all just hung out and enjoyed each other. We even ate dinner in the living room as opposed to the traditional around the dinner table so we could all be in the same room together. Morgan and Jaime stayed that night with my folks and called me early the next AM saying that they were taking dad back to the hospital.
This is where I spare you the details, because it’s painful, and raw still, but we lost dad early the next day. I just knew I was going to go back and see him there that next day but that wasn’t the case. We all spent the day in his room with him, and we even watched the hogs (lose) to mizzou. We were all there except Mr. T-man to spend the day with him.
The next few hours- days were a blur. I personally went through some major emotions, chills, aches, stomach trouble, flushing I felt and was physically sick and heartbroken. Jaime saved the day; she typed up dad’s obit and created his program for the service with minimal help from all of us (we just bossed her around basically). We decided that his service should be a celebration of life instead of focusing on the end.
His services were held at our family church in Fayetteville, my friend Natalie read a bit about dad and dad’s friend Bart Hester did the eulogy. They both did such a wonderful job. The reverend that preformed the service was wonderful and I’m just completely in awe of him now. We even had a top-notch musician provided by the church to play the songs we selected. My one request was Jeff Buckley’s Halleluiah, instrumental. We took him to his resting place and so very thankfully some of the truck drivers drove their bobtails and semi’s. I thought dad would like that, even though those trucks weren’t working that day. The masons of dad’s sect preformed a ritual that they do for all of their members that I’ll never forget. The leader did it all by heart, and you could tell it was hard for him to get through. What a sweet, sweet man.
We had a pouring of love and sympathy from family and friends that would make anyone feel appreciated, loved and cared for. My friend Ashley even gave me a sign that says, “It is well with my soul” and on the back the meaning of it. I’d always liked “It is well with my soul” but I had no idea the tragic story behind it. I honestly just thought it was an old gospel song. You should look it up.
Now here’s where I start to skip and go goofy because this is a long, long blog post and bless you if you’ve even made it this far.
Heres a couple collages I made for mom. Dad and boys bond was as special as ever. Tman loved and respected dad more than any of us!
A line from Natalies eulogy; a quote from dad's favorite movie that I've seen at least thirty times, but hever truly heard this line:
“It ain’t dying I’m talking about, it’s living. I doubt it matters where you die, but it matters where you live.
Mid December I had my 6-month check up at my gynecologist (tmi, but oh just you wait) she asks when was my last errr… cycle. So I tell her “uh, October I’m pretty sure” and something like “I’ve been pretty stressed lately here’s why XYZ” One little test and one little ultrasound later I’m seven weeks pregnant. We decided to surprise our families with the news on Christmas. We * should * have said “Surprise we’re pregnant and also that’s your only gift cuz we headed to da po’ house”.
Our house still hasn’t sold, and we’re anticipating a little babe here in another six months. I’ve entered this pregnancy so differently than with Tman. I’m in a state of preparedness for my mental and physical health versus a preparation of material things. Luckily T’s stuff is all unisex so the décor will stay the same, they’ll share a room for awhile (hahaha they’ll both be in our bedroom) and if it’s a girl we’ll get a few new clothes, if it’s a boy we’ll use hand-me-down’s of T’s hat I have stored up. I bought a comfortable ring sling for those early weeks/months and put drool pads on my ergo for those teething months/years. I also enlisted the help of a doula to help me postpartum so I’m not so much of a raging, hormonal lunatic like the last time. I’ve got nursing teas and tinctures on stand by, as well as PPD tinctures on standby too. I simply CANNOT afford to be a basket case with an infant, a toddler and a husband who depend on me. I got some hand-me-down newborn diaper covers, fitteds and some one dollar flour sack towels (FST’s) to get me through those peanut-ie legs days. Maybe, just maybe by then Mr. T will be potty-trained (Hey I can dream!).
Speaking of our boy, he started daycare last week, going part time to this wonderful lady. He’s not happy when I drop him off but when I go to pick him up he doesn’t care to leave! He’s a sweetie though… hot mess but a sweetie. Pretty typical toddler.
Oh and I'm eating like a horse. #landfill